ang mga taong ganyan hindi pinagaaksayahan ng eksplenasyon

this was a blog from the other blogsite.. closed na toh na account.. kainis.. pinaalala pa kasi ni joots.. NOV.2006 ang date.. di ko maintindihan kung maiiyak ako or mahihiya.. pero sarap maalala kung gano ako katagal naging tanga.. tanga nga ba akong maitututuring.. dahil.. MAHAL na MAHAL ang bigas?! hanggang ngaun.. mahal parin.. pero iba na ang panahon.. di na muna dapat iniisip.. dapat ng ibaling ang atensyon.. dahil ang mga taong ganyan.. hindi pinagaaksayahan ng ekspresyon ng pagmamahal.. yan ang paulit-ulit kong sinsabi sa sarili kong hibang! mahirap magmahal ng taong sa iyo ay walang paki.alam..

http://360.yahoo.com/flinch_jazz

ETO NA..

puchang buhay... pano ka naman magiging msaya kng yung pinaka importanteng tao sa buhay ai.. hinahayaang mahalin cya ng iba.. tapos.. akala mo.. mahal ka nyang talga.. basta.. si raul oh!!

sabi pa nya ala daw yung halaga.. pero syempre di kapanipaniwala.

kitang-kita ng mata.. ang mga pinanggagawa nila..

mahal ka ba nyang talga?

pano ka maniniwala.. halata naman diba...

mahal mo sya..

mahal ka nya..

mahal sya ng iba...

na mahal din nya..

sino bang talga.

daya nyang talga.

pero dahil sabi nya ikaw lang ang talgang mahal nya...

laro lang ang isa..

sabi mo.. "kausapin mo sya at sabihin mo na ako ang mas mahalaga"

sabi pa nya.. "yaw ko masaktan cya, don't think about it muna"

>pucha.. ako? naiisip mo bah? nasasaktan din naman ako ah..

alam ba nya na may syota ka? bakit ang landi nya?

> uhm.. hindi.. hindi napagusapan.. *pagalit na sinabi nya

> eh.. ogag ka pala.. kya pala.. hinyaan mo lang rin cya?

> malayo naman cya.. walang masamang magagawa.. at.. ikumpara mo nga sarili mo sa kanya... ang pangit nya..

> pangit nga.. pinapatulan mo naman.. bkit kailangn mo ba sya?

> kahit kailan hindi ako nahumaling sa kanya.

> kng ganon nga.. ba't may pahalik halik kayo at may pa= i love you pa cya?

> hindi naman talaga halik yun ah.. at nakita mo ba akong nag I LOVE YOU sa kanya?

> ala.. cnu ba namang tanga ang magpapakita.

> ako.. alam mo namang tanga ako diba? kaw na din may sabi nun..

>may tanga bang alam na tanga cya?

> tama na nga... alam mo namang ikaw lang ang mahal ko diba?? wag mo nang atubilin sarili mo sa kanya.. sasabihin ko na sa kanya..

> sabihin mo sa harap ko.

> bakit naman.. pinapahirapan mo ako..

> bakit mahal mo bah sya?

> kaibigan lang tinggin ko sa kanya..

> bkit di mo magawa?

>nakakailang kaya!

> sabihin mo sa kanya.

> sasabihin ko nga..

>kelan pa?

> ndi aabot ng isang linngo..

> sabihin mo.

> opo. mahal ko.

pano toh.. ala pa rin eh.. nagpadala pa naman ng regalo ang isa.. mga bagay na di mo maibigay sa kanya.. lalong naudlot.. at mas mauudlot pa.. dahil parang makikipagkita na sya sa kanya..

iwan mo sya??

nu bah dapat na gawin??

sagutin nyo ha!

She's gone flipside!!!

She's done it again..

B. , as i am to refer to my dear best friend who's been very pre-occupied with her life, may have had her brains flipped..

i talked.. if you call texting a talk.. to her about the things that happened the other day..
about how i did "it" again.. and "it" is something seriously.. uhm.. unbecoming of me..

i don't know if she's just psyching me so i would shut up and make me do what i have to do.. focus and stuffs related to "focusing" or if she's telling me the truth..

what ever she said did a lot of shaking with this messed up brain i own..
she said "love ka man nya. pero di lang sya ready for skye."
and i hate that she said that cause it feels like a false insurance..
and i do have this thing that when somebody tells me something it won't go out of my head.. even if i want it to.. specially if it's from people i care about.. and yes.. i do know how to care..
i so care for her.. and i respect her advices.. argh! and what she said twisted my world even more..

she was always the person against it.. and now.. she's gone flipside..
she's told me all the possible actions from best to last..
so that i can get my mind off the crap i've been bothering myself with..

but it wouldn't be bothering me if it's crap right?! ugh!


----------
i promised myself not to do this type of blogs..

if you can't kill the one you want..

morbid day..

hah!
i guess that's the reason i didn't get the job i had for my first choice..
Janeli kept warning me.. "Don't be morbid." or "Liven up."
but i.. am.. morbid..
that morbid i guess..

i never really thought about it until she said that..
until i asked her how she can say that about me..

she went on to explain..
every single topic we talk about would end up morbid because of me..
i am pessimistic.. and so is she..
but i am not goth.. or atleast that's what i understand about the goths..

i haven't loss my faith in life.. that it can be beautiful..
maybe i just don't think about beauty that much nowadays..
don't ask why.. that's a very long story..
i don't get it.. really..
i didn't go on yapping about death during the interview..
it did take a lot of control though..
maybe it showed nonverbally..
grrr...

now i'm beginning to think..
have my blogs been morbid?!
i went to check.. HAH!!

and guess what..
it's not morbid..
it's just angry..

i get the feeling i just dug a whole for me to be buried in..


i'm in the library of my dad's house..
they're watching CSI: Las Vegas
my back's against the tv so i'm not really watchin'

if you can't kill the one you want.. kill the one you're with..

that's the first line that caught my attention..
and that made me feel worst..

i forgot i got my skye..
and i fear she's/he's gonna go morbid as the momma..
specially cause i've been very angry and depressed lately..

it's sad to know though..
that the only thing i can think of to relieve me of this dark mess..

is something i know i can't have..
but i still wish to have..

it's just that "G. pa rin ako." thing..

i feel so helpless about..
and that explains this thing i think..

really..

this is a love letter..
hahaha..

i have to go home..
skye's doing something weird again..

my room..

weee.. my room is much more pretty na!

it's the way i pictured it..
although it's not that done yet.. but it's improved..
ready na xa para kay skye in a sense..

light..
blinking and glowing ones..

it's a bit messy still..
but it's the way it should be..
atleast i can find my stuffs within the mess..

i don't know where to put skye there though..
it's a bit cramped..
tas matakot ako mahulog xa like what happened to toph..
he fell from the double decker last week and again early this morning from his bed..

it was a loud..

BOOG!
wah! wah! waH! mama! mamy!

i got all shaken up coz skye was doing something weird!
like stiffening too much na it hurts and i went all tachycardic!!
like my heart was pumping 400 times more.. pumping adrenalin to my body..
hahahaha
honestly..
it was much more scary than the kikiks gammy and lhey talked about..

damn them..
speaking of kikiks..

it made a big mark on the upcoming samal escapades..
madami daw dun?!
hai.. sayang..

edit ko lang to later..
i'm a bit beat up..

.skye.thorn.smoke.eden.wings.

everything in one book..
darn..

i have been dreaming of you for the past days..

it was always the.. back to the old days dream..
nung mga araw na ala ka magawa.. at ibang makita kundi ako..
hahaha..
pathetic..
god i f*ckin' miss you..

and you go txtn me out of the blue that you miss me too..

but you go again with the dissing and throwing me away like i was some old rubbish you couldn't stand..

and there goes my support system..

i hope you know..
that the one person you hate most in my life..
the one bestfriend who's been keeping me sane..
said things that shocked me..

damn it..

sabi pa nya sana maayos to..
kasi skye deserves a father..
and na we have to patch this up..

coz she doesn't want me keeping skye from you!


because i was so f*uckin' pissed off with you that i told her you won't see even skye's shadow and anyway.. you don't believe in skye..

i didn't expect that from her..
but i always thought she was well above me..
and you hate her.. and want to kill her..

ala ka na nga sa life ko..
ala ka na kay skye..
and you want her out of my life too?!

you want me to go crazy..
beyond repair?!
how crazy do you want me to be..

you are as free as air to flow..
hinayaan kita to do everything..


the few friends that i want to have for myself.. you wish gone..



can't you see how good and forgiving my friends are..

they are but a few..

because the one friend i thought who'd be the best among them turns his back on me.. leaving me alone..

go on.. do your thing..


and

sana.. you can produce a straight answer..
you always turn deaf and mute when i ask you what you want.. from me..