if you can't kill the one you want..

morbid day..

hah!
i guess that's the reason i didn't get the job i had for my first choice..
Janeli kept warning me.. "Don't be morbid." or "Liven up."
but i.. am.. morbid..
that morbid i guess..

i never really thought about it until she said that..
until i asked her how she can say that about me..

she went on to explain..
every single topic we talk about would end up morbid because of me..
i am pessimistic.. and so is she..
but i am not goth.. or atleast that's what i understand about the goths..

i haven't loss my faith in life.. that it can be beautiful..
maybe i just don't think about beauty that much nowadays..
don't ask why.. that's a very long story..
i don't get it.. really..
i didn't go on yapping about death during the interview..
it did take a lot of control though..
maybe it showed nonverbally..
grrr...

now i'm beginning to think..
have my blogs been morbid?!
i went to check.. HAH!!

and guess what..
it's not morbid..
it's just angry..

i get the feeling i just dug a whole for me to be buried in..


i'm in the library of my dad's house..
they're watching CSI: Las Vegas
my back's against the tv so i'm not really watchin'

if you can't kill the one you want.. kill the one you're with..

that's the first line that caught my attention..
and that made me feel worst..

i forgot i got my skye..
and i fear she's/he's gonna go morbid as the momma..
specially cause i've been very angry and depressed lately..

it's sad to know though..
that the only thing i can think of to relieve me of this dark mess..

is something i know i can't have..
but i still wish to have..

it's just that "G. pa rin ako." thing..

i feel so helpless about..
and that explains this thing i think..

really..

this is a love letter..
hahaha..

i have to go home..
skye's doing something weird again..