I'm Happier..

i'm startin' to really dig my life right now..

really..

JOB
i'm passed a job interview wherein i was thinking like a big turn down would be on my way.
i was super nervous and i realized halfway during the interview that i was way over my head thinking i'd get the job because i was doing all sorts of mistakes.
it's as if the my little devil was talking to me saying.. "yeah, you're failing this. you can't pass everything jazz. i told you, over confidence is very sad." and really.. i was arguing with him half the time too. i need this job and i did my best and you can't let one turn down bring you down. they just didn't see what's underneath the.. erm.. morbidity..
then skye did something real nice.. really.. i think skye's a girl.. but i'll not say no to a boy either.. but skye did something with my hormones.. i think.. i was happy, though nervous during the interview.. i loved how i felt.. i wasn't as confident as i thought i would be.. but i think i smiled.. it was a weird feeling.. YES, WEIRD! I DON'T SMILE MUCH THIS DAYS.. i smiled.. wow! i was less panicky or negative.. it was like..

"momma, we need this.. i want you to be happy. today isn't a real nice day for us, but we can't let today bring us down. what would mommy B. say.. she's gonna say you went all morbid again and tell you you're not thinking about me again."

maybe i've been talking to myself too much.. but that day was sperm.donor's birthday.. i was thinking i'll be sad.. but hey! it went all good. it was the best sad day i've ever had.. i never really believe anyone who i talk to on the phone who tell me my voice was nice and pleasing to hear.. or when people say i talk good english or sh*t like that.. but when Mr.Ecky said "you're voice is very nice and pleasing and you're intonation is perfect." i was like.. THANKS! that was all i could say.. AND BOY DID THAT FEEL AND SOUND REAL GOOD!

that's a big bite to those who've been thinking i'm stupid and all talk! grrr you!

FRIENDS
i'm never really good in keeping friends.. i tend to trust to much and that always breaks my heart.. so i trash them just like they did to me.. and i'm left with a very few.. very few but very pressure.. i think i have a great bunch of them that i don't need to look for any anymore.

a simple "MUSTA?!" does suffice.. it's a big big something for a girl like me.. i found out that the ones that i never really thought could understand me were the ones who really did..
that's how i found B. .. (kaw) .. and yes.. she does make me cry an awful lot.. but it's not painful tears.. it's love tears.. a lot of them have sprouted this few months.. because i have had time to spend time with them..

because i always thought "if they are real friends.. kahit di ko cla bgyan ng tym.. ndyan yan.." it's true.. always.. anjan.. but it feels better na kasi we can actually have talks.. not just B. but the other crazy few.. Matet for instance is one of them.. and fLiNcH.. d yan mawawala..hehehe

LIFE PER SE
when you think sad.. you become sad.
i do that often..
and dumating din yung time na..
"kakahiya kanaman.. lagi ka nalang damsel in distress.. PATHETIC!"
i didn't want that..
and that came from me..
i told myself that..
kasi narealize ko.. ako lang naman nagpapahirap sa sarili ko..
i've bee very hard on myself..
LIFE IS UNFAIR.. BUT YOU CAN MAKE IT LOOK GOOD!!

i'm still pessimistic.. because i have a good reason for it..
but i'll just be a happy pessimistic person..
and i'm the first person who puts me down.. and i won't let that happen.. much.. if i could help it..

LOVE
i love skye..
i think skye doesn't like coke..
i'm the coke girl sa amin magkakapatid.. sa amin magbarkada..
pero i have been not liking coke these days..
it's gross..
even a sip, i couldn't take.
i'm more on water nowadays, and i guess it's best that way.
because even though i still don't eat much because i'm getting uber-picky on my food intake.. (i'm picky even without skye) atleast i'm hydrated and my skin shows it.. my wounds (i'm still clumsy) heal quicker.. and my skin is smoother.. darn.. i'm starting to think evul thoughts again..
i usually have smoother skin post-sumthing.. hahaha..

HATE
boys are crap..
atleast skye's father is..
and B.'s bogart is..

why do hot, intelligent, good, and honest women end up with guys like that?!

according to one of our professors.. Women tend to end up with men like that because women love to fix things.. it's a psychological thing..

my bogart bugged me again..

Bogart: Musta ang Bata?!
Me: Sino toh?! (i've)
Bogart: lloyd

(really?)

Me: aw.
and he keeps on asking..
Me: why are you asking?
Bogart: bakit bawal?
Me: (didn't reply.. it is sort of his thing to do this and leave me hanging.. so for a change i'd like to leave him hanging..


grrr.. boys..